Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Simply someone

Iv spoken passionately, in the public eye, all my hardest moments In regards to post natal depression and there are still days when I question "how and why, me" whilst locked I'm a room in tears

I then look at my child - the answer took a while, but it came. I am who I am because of who you made me

When things overwhelm just remember 

Everyone needs someone 
Someone needs everyone
Everyone wants to be anybody
But only someone can be a somebody. You

Sunday, 7 April 2013

"I know its gonna be..."

So after every intention to post more regularly my body decided to give up on me and need more time and handling from the NHS.... Thankfully all on the road to recovery

My last few posts have been a little negative and despite living with PND I'm a very positive person, most of the time.... Therefore this post is more of a moment for me too stop, breathe and smile.

I make no hidden fact that almost 3 years on and I still have days where I'm glad I still have treatment but my life is starting to feel right and that's all down to one thing, a smile - from my beautiful daughter.

Her happiness is contagious and ignites that warm feeling (not a hot flush ... They're a whole different subject) that makes me realise the light is still shinning.

On the way to visit my grandparents today Lylha was singing along to Elli Goulding and she only knows the "eeee eeee" bit (you know what I mean) and she just blurted out "mummy its going to be ok because she said so" iv no idea what sparked this comment but hearing your child say those words does 2 things, 1 makes you feel guilty there is a reason they should want things to be ok - but more importantly it makes you stop, breathe and smile!

After all iv harped on enough about the power of smiling!

For those that follow me on twitter @laurindaisla will know that I often quote "life isn't about waiting on the storm too pass its about learning to dance in the rain" Well, Lylha, thank you for teaching me to salsa in the storm. I love you

Sunday, 10 March 2013

Hold on for one more day

Wow happy 2013 ... Better late than never, and I always opt for fashionably late to a party

So excuses time in the last 6 months, yes that long ago now, my world changed dramatically...I sadly became a single mum and my physical health symptoms have been in over drive. So I haven't blogged because iv been back on the meds - iv spent days googling "how do I stop crying" and didn't think it appropriate for someone positive about mental health blogged about he darkness we know and fear

and then the cloud I often find myself under lifted....

I always say smile and the world will smile with you - well I took my own medicine and it worked. When I cried and ached full of hurt, self pity and anger I was filled with messages of "chin up" "time is a healer" BUT when I smiled all I heard was "wow you are stronger than you look" "I couldn't do if"
Looks like sorrow doesn't like company?

The more I smiled the more those around me raised my mood and the more I started to believe again

The bloody black cloud is a bugger but when sunlight comes through its a saviour. My friends, my family, my daughter and my smile have made the hardest part of my life not only liveable but successive!

Only one thing is more warming than you seeing your smile in your mirror and that's your child saying "you are pretty when you smile mummy, I love you"

Go on smile - you know you want too!!

Happy new year pen service has resumed

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

The more we break, the more we feel alive

So for those of you in my "circle" (I hate that phrase) and who follow me on twitter or Facebook would know the lack of writing comes from a personal issue that could result in a rant rather than a post.

But truth be told I can't hold in much longer, for I've always been an extrovert and writing has always been my salvation.

So a quick recap for my lovely readers and introduction to my new comers. My name is Laurinda I'm 28 (growing younger each year) and mummy to my beautiful toddler Lylha aka Angel Diva ;) oh and Iv been living with a mental illness, post natal depression for the last 2ys and 2m. And I will forever shout from the hills aspirin can fix a headache without shame so why can't we fix a mental pipelines without a raised eyebrow?

Ok back to the post? Well writing your my release so please do your thing

What you know is rocked
What you believe is doubt
What you want is clouded
But in yourself your found

We take what's hard
We take what's due
But rarely take in what is owed
And live by what's due

For fancies and daydreams
Are goals not givens
So stop, pause and stop again
What is that your actually living

For what matters becomes clear
What hurts simply smothers
But what we want, what we need
Starts to beak out in one way or another

For when the smoke lifts
The tears lessen
We can truly appreciate what is here
What is with us can be our heaven

Interpret how you wish for me simply in coping right now mentally and physically I need to appreciate what I do have and that is all I need to focus on in the meantime. That and remembering that we are never alone. Someone somewhere can listen and that's sometimes the biggest medication.

Depression isn't an excuse or something to cringe at. It's our illness someways its fine others we need a hug or a cuppa or a vent. Writing your mine. Search for yours if you haven't already


Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Retail Therapy

My apologies first and foremost for lack of posting, had a hectic few months.

As regular readers of my blog are aware I write about my experiences of Post Natal Depression following the birth of my daughter 2 & 1/2 years ago. Iv shared the ups and the relapses with the world to try and do my part in smashing the stigma of depression.

This post is a little different from the previous ones I have published. As I want to share something very different....

The Sparkling in me is delighted that www.toxicfox.co.uk asked me to write a review for the amazing bags that come from Claireabella available from their website. The reason in why I have tied this in with my blog is what's in the title of this post!

Before having my little girl and very much so since I have always found shopping cheers me up no end. Iv always been a "girlie girl" and anything pink or pretty I love to own. Those closest too me know first and foremost what my favourite item to shop for is handbags and iv a very pretty and extensive collection but none stand out as much as my Clairebella bags.

I have been stopped in the street, the supermarket even in hospital for people wishing to know where my handbag is from. I first came across Claireabella from bags I had seen on TOWIE and since the boom of the programme the demand for Claireabella designs have gone through the sky and as a result they are now available via toxic fox for purchasing.
What's more they can be personalized too adding a little X factor too them.

Now my reason for linking this in too my blog isn't just because I have been asked too its also because shopping has always been a solice for me. Whenever I have felt low by something pretty has ignited a pleasure in me, I have also seen recently on the TV that endorphins can be released whilst shopping and give some people the same happy feeling as they get get from chocolate or after sex. Personally all 3 are great but the handbag you can keep for a lot longer!!

As shallow as some people may find the concept off this post I wanted to do it because iv spoken openly about medication and cognitive therapy helping me recover from my mental health illness, but realized there were other factors that helped me in addition to these and shopping was one of them!

So if like me you like sparkly things, personalized gifts and show stopping bags then I completely recommend you visiting www.toxicfox.co.uk and if your feeling low I completely recommend visiting the site with a chocolate in the spare hand!

There is a real pressure that some mums find in conforming to become a Yummh Mummy, having something pretty on the buggy handle for me was a great way of saying the outside says Yummy and inside I can feel and be whatever I wish. Socially acceptable or otherwise!

Iv really enjoyed doing this special post. Sorry for any shallowness that may have come across but Sparkling makes me smile!

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Golden Hope and Bronze Bruises

Firstly my apologies for my lack off posting iv had a million and one things to deal with. Plus iv been bitten by the Olympics bug - hence the title.

I decided this post would follow the Olympic spirit but incorporating mental health... Confused?? Let me explain....

The golden moments of the Olympics has been associated with euphoric and ecstatic feelings. Much like when hitting a recovery milestone when suffering with depression. Every accomplishment feels a mini celebration and this was something I made sure I stuck too. When realising I had an illness to recover from I decided to make it steeping stones to an ultimate recovery (be why I haven't completely lost it when relapsing) and cash in on the "quitting smoking ads" - celebrate every win... It seems really simple but iv found that celebrating every "ok day" iv built myself up stronger and recover from "low days quicker".
The references to bronze bruises isn't meant to be a complete negative it's a a bit of a crappy metaphor, that in my mind means that even bad days (bruises) are a step towards ultimate recovery (bronze) a bit like a podium for the winners of the Olympics. As I said told you it was a crappy one!
Anyway I wanted this post to be positive and too say despite all the rubbish I'm dealing with in my physical health my mental health is getting there in true crappy metaphor style, my mental health is getting there and getting there well, a sterling silver if you like!

Xxxx thank you for reading xxxxx

Friday, 20 July 2012

Being brave and bearing all

Ok, those of you who follow very regularly will know that it's been a good few weeks since I lost blogged. The reason for that is simple, I didn't know how to put the words in black and white - the words that admit- a relapse.

Now I want to make one thing extremely clear this post is NOT in anyway a "poor me, pity me" post it's about honesty, it's about integrity and most of all it's about smashing the ridiculous stigma that surrounds mental health.

For reasons in my physical health my mental health has been more than struggling and over the past few months, I am ashamed almost to say, I have noticed my emotions and my control of them spiraling. I can say I hand on heart knew the reason for this but because I was being defiant to my own self and more importantly to my family, I refused to concede to the obvious and kept the British stiff upper lip. What an absoloute mistake and utter joke from the person so passionate in voicing about post natal depression and mental health as a whole. 15,000 plus have read my blog and read the one thing iv always campaigned about is speaking out an giving post natal depression a voice, hell I'm even taking it with the help of some wonderful mums to the press and into the mags. So why did I find it a challenge to take my mind to my GO and lay it bear. Quite simply because I have been doing what at some point in our lives we all do. "going through the motions"

So turnaround, this time, unlike my first diagnosis 2y ago, within 6 weeks my bum was in the seat infront of my GP with my mum by my side admitting I was struggling and need help! Within 30m back on the yellow and green tablet that I purposely take alongside my other pills for my physical problems because I am DAMNED if I'll treat my mind pills any different from my others. It's the same thing it's a condition , it requires a treatment. The irony being my mind will be sorted long before my body. What does that say for mental health treatment? Admittance and support are just the start, asking for the help being key! And to all those without the option to ask for help, speak up and speak out!

And I have to see a success in the fact that this time I didn't hide it from my family, I didn't hide it from my GP I just kept it from myself - although I knew deep inside, and hey there are things we can't control so if I can't control the physical I sure as hell will control the mind!

So... Emotive speak is one thing, clarification is something on a different level and that level is honesty. I can't be any less open about this because I want to be among those speaking up and speaking out!

Thank you for reading my naked post